Beware, a Deep One

I'm surrounded by sorrow.

I know it's not third-world sorrow, and sometimes that really frustrates me, but it's still sorrow.

Comfort, democracy, capitalism, independence and wealth can breed their own demons of sorrow, of loneliness, lies and despair.

A freshly widowed wife, friends' husbands who betray, children scarred by the sins of this world, by the sins of their fathers...
         
 ...by the sins of me.

This week I was grieving some things with a dear warrior in the faith, and she said, "I just don't know if I can do this. I just can't see anything, you know. I can't feel. Nothing is for certain."

I know.

Her words stirred me all week, and I began thinking, What if?

What if my eyes were never meant to see, but to behold His glory and beauty in the earth?
     
What if my mouth was never meant to defend myself, but to proclaim His goodness and praise?
     
What if my hands were never meant to feel a tangible outcome, but to be His hands of mercy and justice? And to create the beauty He allows me to create?

What if I was meant to see with my soul the things unseen, and hear from deep within me His whisper, "This is the way, walk in it"? And, to be led to act from a Spirit that stirs in my heart?

What if all these things I cling to, to bring me satisfaction of control - my sight, my hearing, my feeling, my words - what if they are only symptoms? And I have misunderstood their meaning all along?

What if they are only meant to carry out those things from deep within?

I'm just saying, What if?

Curse Words

Please forgive any offense. 

I curse.

I'm fully aware it is wrong for a myriad of reasons. Over the last three years, I've worked to remove   inappropriate language from my vocabulary, but I still fail sometimes.

Some of you are thinking...
   Not sweet Catie with the Minnie Mouse voice.
Others of you are thinking...
   That's the worst sin you're going to confess... because you've seen much worse from me.

By God's grace I've come far in this habit, but one popped up in my brain yesterday...

We were at family court for some of our kiddos. We were discussing with lawyers some of the obstacles and issues children are facing in Jefferson and Shelby Counties. Then it happened.

"You see, Mrs. Lumpkin, when a child in this county reaches a certain age, and they are of a certain type, we place them in a category called unadoptable."

**** (That's in my head.)

"Please, explain to us what that means," we replied.

Well, it's been proven that at about the age of 9, a child is no longer really desirable, and so we simply leave them in the system until they are able to age out and be on their own."

My head hurt. It still hurts. I knew this, but it's another thing to come face to face with it.

I've shared it with a few friends and family members. We ranted about the broken system.

But the truth...

It was never the system's job. They are doing the best they can do, and it is imperfect, but it's the best. The reason there are 500 children in an undesirable, unadoptable category in our neighborhood is because there is no one to adopt them.

X that. There are people to adopt, to mentor, to care for, but they just aren't available right now.

No, it's not everyone's calling to adopt and foster. And yes, a lot of these 500 children have a lot of hard, hard things to face, but it is a command to care for the orphan, and these 500 cost no money, no traveling.

The only cost, is showing up.

Many are in group homes and simply need someone to counsel them into a new stage of life.

500 purely orphaned children in our counties right here. On a good Sunday, we have almost 400 people fill the walls of our church. And we're not a big church. I recently heard of a large church in town with 20,000 members.

500...

      with no one to teach them how to grocery shop, no one to celebrate their graduations, no one to help them prepare for college, or to encourage them to even dream of college.

No one to tell them they can break the cycle.

I was generally discussing this with Big Sis last night.

She asked, "So all these kids, the state becomes their mom and dad for good?"

"Kind of," I replied, "but not really."

"Gosh, we need to pray big for these kids because UNADOPTABLE is a really bad word. It should never be said."

"You're right, honey. It is a bad word."

That's one I will never let seep into my vocabulary.

Be Still My Soul

Two of our children have a trial tomorrow.

It's terrorized the stillness of our souls.

I hurried her. Reminded her laundry was not put away. Told her teeth hadn't been brushed, and her hair was in tangles. I screamed she was moving too slow as the bus rounded the corner.

She ran through the doorway, and I'm not sure I ever saw her. Really saw her.

I huffed into her room, frustrated that nothing had been picked up, and then I saw, above her bed, blue post its, everywhere...

Am I really forgiven of all my sins?
Does He really love me completely, all of me?
Do I really want my heart to be His?
Is He really my real Father?
Did He really write my story before the world began, even the horrible things?

I fell to my knees as Little R came to my lap. Through my shouts of hurry, she was trying to SEE her Pursuer in the early morning hours. He saw her before I knew her name. He saw her when He knew I would miss her. He'll see her years beyond my home.

He's pursuing her heart...

And transforming mine.

Anything but Natural

We recently signed our renewal contract as foster parents. There's a line in the agreement that states, "The foster parent will care for the placed child as he or she would care for other children in his or her home."

I was talking with Baby J's social worker, and she was asking various questions about how things were going, and I remarked, "You know, foster parenting is one of the most unnatural things you can do."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

My heart's response:

In this season, I am his mother, her mother. I've agreed to care with my whole being, as I do any of the sons I've birthed. I choose to love, when I know my heart will be broken, when I know there is another, dreaming of holding this child, of singing him to sleep. Of one more chance...

I set his schedule to have it thrown out the window for worthy time with his real family. I wake up, desperate for my Savior because I know part of me will die, will grieve, will dream of a tiny face and fingers I may never see again. But I have promised to care for him as I would my own, so he is worth every moment of that grief.

I haven't blogged the last month, especially about our ministry. I wish I could capture where we've been, but I can promise there are places of me that have been to the shadowlands and back. 

Jamie has led us through beautifully heartbreaking decisions that have crystallized my longing for Jesus. We've tasted death, sorrow, and pure annoyances, all within the month, and in sincerity, it's pushed me just over the edge of the cliff.

We packed Baby J's bags, wept and wailed our tears, said our goodbyes, only to have him stay once again. A natural momma's response would realize we may need to shy away from the shadowlands. But I'm not a natural momma, and we're unnatural. We're not of this world, so we walk our family right back into the shadowlands, deep inside the forest.

Jamie's heard me weep one too many times that I just don't feel this is making a difference. My narcissistic self wants satisfaction. Can we not do the ministry, but still claim the comfort?

He held me. And he walked me back to the shadows, where we love when it's not natural. When our body is screaming to brace itself, and our souls are aching for walls of protection.

He whispers to me to look, to listen...

And I see her momma hold my hand and tell me she has someone believing in her for the first time.

I hear myself telling her once again that I failed to give her the grace that has been given to me.

I listen as she comes down to the floor beside me and hear her say, "I forgive you. I just want your love."

I watch myself cradle a baby I love to the ends of the earth, and know that he will take part of my soul that no other child will have. So, I give it.

I see my husband love when it is not easy to love, and I see him seeking the face of his Savior.

I hear my oldest say we're the luckiest family in the world to have this calling, even when it's not fun.

And I hear myself say yes to Momma as she asks if we will be there by her side to do this with her, to keep believing with her when all is said and done.

My jealousy rises, my soul leaps in my throat, my hands grasp for comfort, and I surrender to the one who surrendered all for me, who gave the most unnatural thing possible. He knows where I am more than I do. He grieved as he led His child to slaughter. He care for this orphaned, rebellious child and made me His own, and He entered the shadowlands with me, and then He grafted the eternity of home in my heart so that I could face the unnatural here on earth.

RESURRECTION DAY Family Devotional!

Passion Week – Easter Sunday

The Resurrection

Read John 20:1-18

After Jesus died, his friends took His body, wrapped it, and placed it in a tomb. Then they rolled a big stone in front of the tomb to keep His body safe.

Early on Sunday morning Mary Magdalene, Peter, and some of Jesus’ friends went back to the tomb. They went because they loved Jesus, and they were sad He was dead. But when they reached the tomb, the giant stone had been moved. Jesus was not there! Suddenly, they understood all the things Jesus had said to them. They remembered that Jesus had to die, but that He would rise again. They remembered Jesus said He would conquer death once and for all. Satan had wanted death to harm us forever. He wanted us to be afraid of it. But when God raised Jesus from the dead, death became the beautiful way His children meet Him face to face.

Mary Magdalene stood crying. When she looked in the tomb there were two angels where Jesus’ body had been. Someone called her by name. It was Jesus. Mary Magdalene fell at His feet and worshipped Him as her king. Then she ran to tell the disciples that God had made Jesus alive again! He had conquered death!

· Has someone close to you ever died? How did you feel?

· How do you think Mary felt when Jesus called her by name?

· How does it make you feel to know we no longer have to fear death because Jesus has conquered it?

· Thank God that He made Jesus alive again! Thank Him for the life we have because of Jesus.

- Praise Him by singing the "Doxology."

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below.

Praise Him above ye heavenly host.

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Amen.

Holy Week Family Devotional, Part Six

Passion Week – Saturday

The Death and Burial

Read Matthew 27:50-66

As Jesus Christ struggled to breathe in pain, darkness fell. When He was nailed to the cross, all of God’s wrath and anger that we deserved, was put completely on Jesus. There was nothing left for us. Jesus took our full punishment. As soon as Jesus’ physical body died, the Bible says the temple curtain was torn in two, from top to bottom. In God’s temple, man could not enter the Holy of Holies, which was God’s special dwelling place beyond the curtain. But now God, himself, destroyed it. God’s children were now welcomed into His presence. He longed for them. God had been planning and waiting for this moment since the first sin of Adam and Eve. He had been weaving together His plan to rescue His covenant children. And He would be victorious.

• How would you feel if you knew you could not enter the presence of God?
• How does it make you feel to know that God welcomes you into His presence?
• What are some things you can do to be open to God’s presence in your life?
• Thank God that He longs for us. Thank Him for rescuing us through His plan in Jesus.
• Praise Him by singing verses 1 and 4 of “Holy, Holy, Holy.”

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
All Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea;
Holy, holy, holy; merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Reginal Heber 1826

Holy Week Family Devotional, Part Five

Passion Week – Good Friday

The Crucifixion

Read Matthew 27:27-50

Jesus knew what was happening. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that our freedom from sin and death would cost His life.

After Pilate, the governor, gave Jesus over to be crucified, the soldiers took Jesus and beat Him. They made fun of Him. Only a few days earlier, the people had cheered because they wanted Jesus to be their king. Now they watched while the soldiers put a robe on Him and pushed a crown of thorns into His head. They watched Him bleed and saw His hurts. They put a sign at the top of His cross. It read, “This is Jesus, the King of the Jews.” They made fun of His power and told Him to save Himself.

Then, in the darkest hour, Jesus cried out to His Father. He had cried out to His Father many, many times before. But this time was different. He asked His Father why He had forsaken Him, why He had left Him alone. But Jesus also knew that this darkness would bring light. He knew His pain would bring freedom. He knew His death would give you life.

· Have you ever felt forsaken or alone? What was it like?

· The people made fun of Jesus. They said He couldn’t save Himself. Why didn’t Jesus save Himself?

· Jesus went through pain and loneliness so that you would never have to be alone. How does that make you feel?

· Thank Jesus for enduring the cross. Thank God that Jesus’ death gave us life.

· Praise God by singing verse 1 of “And Can It Be That I Should Gain.”

And can it be that I should gain and interest in the Savior’s blood?

Died he for me, who caused His pain? For me, who Him to death pursued?

Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Amazing love How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Charles Wesley, 1738

Holy Week Devotional, Part Four

Passion Week – Maundy Thursday

The Arrest

Read John 18:1-11

After Jesus and His disciples finished the Passover Feast, they went to a garden to pray. Judas was one of the disciples, but he had betrayed Jesus. He told the Jewish leaders where Jesus was, in exchange for silver. But none of this surprised God. He was in control of all things.

While Jesus and His disciples were in the garden, Judas came with a group of soldiers and officers. They had torches and weapons. Jesus knew why they were there. He went to them and asked them who they were looking for. They said Jesus. Jesus answered, “I am He.” In those three words, Jesus told who He was, but he also told them that He was the only Son of God. It says that when Jesus said those words, the soldiers fell to the ground. Jesus’ words were that powerful!

Then Jesus gave himself up. But Peter, his disciple, became scared. He felt out of control. Peter pulled out his sword and cut off the ear of a servant. Jesus immediately stepped forward. In the book of Luke it says He touched the servant’s ear, and it grew back. Jesus surrendered himself because He knew the time had come. He knew that His surrender would mean we would be free to know God’s love for us.

· How do you think Jesus felt when He saw Judas and the soldiers?

· What would you have thought if you were there?

· How do you think Peter and the soldiers felt when they saw Jesus heal the servant’s ear?

· Thank God for sending us Jesus. Thank Him that Jesus gave Himself up willingly so that we could know God’s love for us.

· Praise God by singing verse 1 of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.”

Come, thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace;

streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above; praise the mount!

I’m fixed upon it, mount of God’s unchanging love.

Robert Robinson, 1758

Holy Week Family Devotionals, Part Three

Passion Week – Holy Wednesday

The Last Supper

Read Luke 22: 14-23

Once a year the people of God went to Jerusalem to celebrate the feast of Passover. It was a time to remember the ways God had provided for His people. It was a time to remember how God led them out of slavery in Egypt to freedom. This year Jesus wanted to celebrate the feast with his closet friends, his disciples. The disciples were afraid because they knew people wanted to kill Jesus.

But when the time came, Jesus and his disciples sat down at the table together. Jesus knew it was almost time for Him to die, but He also knew His Father was in control of all things, even death. Jesus told His disciples that this would be the last time He would share and eat this special meal with them until the Kingdom of God came.

First, Jesus took the bread. He blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them. He said, “This is my body given for you.”

Then, He took the cup of wine. He blessed it and gave it to them. He said, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant of my blood.”

We still celebrate this feast today. In church we have communion. The bread and the juice remind us of Jesus’ sacrifice. Just like the people of God remembered, we remember the way God led us out of the slavery of sin to freedom in Jesus. And each time we celebrate communion, we remember that Jesus will come again to celebrate this special feast with His people.

· Do you think Jesus was afraid?

· What would it have been like to celebrate this special feast with Jesus?

· Have you found freedom in Jesus? If not, talk to your parents about it now.

· Thank God for Jesus’ sacrifice and that Jesus is returning to celebrate this feast with us again.

· Praise God by singing verses 1 and 6 of “Amazing Grace.”

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found

Was blind, but now I see.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,

Bright shining as the sun,

We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise

Than when we’ve first begun.

John Newton, 1779.

Holy Week Devotionals, Part Two

Passion Week – Holy Tuesday

A Sacrifice for Jesus the King

Read Matthew 26:1-16

Jesus talked with His disciples as He had several times before. Except now, the time had almost run out. He told them He would be turned over to be crucified at Passover, in only two days. While Jesus talked with His closest friends, others, who thought He was a dangerous enemy, planned His death. Jesus knew what was coming, and He knew His Father, the one true God, loved Him more deeply than we could ever dream. So days before His death, Jesus sat and ate with those no one else wanted to be with. He dined at Simon the Leper’shouse, a man who would have been the outcast of society. He watched as Mary, a woman other men wouldn’t be in the same room with, washed His feet with expensive perfume, and wiped the dirt off with her hair. And when the disciples said she wasted precious money that could have been used for better things, Jesus said she gave Him beautiful worship.

• What would it have been like to be in a room with Jesus just days before His death?

• Would you have been willing to spend time with those others didn’t want to be around? Why or Why not?

• How can you worship Jesus today as the one true King?

• Thank God that He loves you, and invites you to worship Him.

• Praise God by singing “Lord, I Lift Your Name on High.”

Lord I lift Your name on high

Lord I love to sing Your praises

I'm so glad You're in my life

I'm so glad You came to save us

You came from heaven to earth

(To show the way)

From the earth to the cross

(My debt to pay)

From the cross to the grave

From the grave to the sky

Lord, I lift your name on high

Holy Week Devotionals, Part One

Happy April!

March flew by, and with it went my sanity. We've been processing through so many things, and I hope to share in the future. BUT, for now, several of you asked for my Holy Week family devotionals post again. I was attempting to be techno savy and discover how to link them in a pdf, but I still need some help :) Here is Sunday and Monday! My goal is to post these each a day in advance. These are the ones I wrote several years ago for our home church.

Wishing you a Holy Week where your experience our Savior's love and pursuit,

Catie

Passion Week – Palm Sunday

Jesus the King

Read Zechariah 9:9 and Matthew 21:1-11

“Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!” The praises echoed in Jesus’ ears as He entered Jerusalem on a donkey.

Each year the people of God went to the town of Jerusalem to remember how God protected them during the Passover in Egypt. They remembered how God led them through the desert to freedom. As Jesus entered the town of Jerusalem, the crowds and his disciples shouted His name with excitement. They laid their cloaks and palm branches on the ground to prepare the way for Him. They had seen his mighty works. Many people believed He was the Messiah. In fact, the prophet Zechariah had said hundreds of years before that Israel’s king would come for their salvation. Now, as they celebrated, these men, women and children hoped Jesus would save them from Rome’s harsh control. They wanted Jesus to be their King.

Jesus had come to save and rescue His people, just like the prophet Zechariah said. But His salvation would not be what the people thought they wanted. They wanted to be comfortable, to be free from all the mean things Rome did. Jesus wanted them to be victorious, and to be free from sin forever so they could experience true life in God’s presence.

· What would it have been like to see Jesus enter Jerusalem?

· Was Jesus the kind of Messiah many had hoped for? Why or why not?

· What do you think Jesus was thinking as he entered Jerusalem?

· Thank God for sending Jesus to be our one true King.

· Praise God by singing verse 1 of “I Will Sing of My Redeemer.”

I will sing of my Redeemer and his wondrous love to me: on the cruel cross he suffered, from the curse to set me free.

Chorus:

Sing, O sing of my Redeemer! With His blood He purchased me; on the cross he sealed my pardon, paid the debt and made me free.

Philip P. Bliss, 1876

Passion Week – Holy Monday

Jesus in the Temple

Read Matthew 21: 12-17

They had celebrated and honored Him as their King. He was the Messiah, the only Son of the one true God. Now, one day later, He entered His Father’s temple. But the people inside were not worshipping the Father. Instead, they used the one true God’s special house to make money and become important. They dishonored the name of God. Rather than protecting the poor and sick people God loved, they robbed them in His own house. In holy anger, Jesus rebuked and drove out all those people who had mocked the name of God through their disobedient actions. And in the same temple where they were put down, the poor, sick and helpless came to Jesus to find healing through the true life He offered. They came to Jesus to be rescued.

· What is the difference between holy anger and sinful anger?

· How would it have made you feel to see Jesus angry?

· How can you honor God by caring for the poor and sick?

· Thank God for the opportunities He gives you to serve and obey Him.

· Praise God by singing verse 1 and the chorus of “Trust and Obey”:

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

John H. Sammis 1887