Between Crazy Camp Lump last week and Church of the Highlands' AMAZING serve day in our home, I failed to write even one day last week, but more on all that later...
I'm up early, beginning to sift through my list of to-do's before our homeschool cooperative begins on August 8th and the girls' school beginning on August 19th, and like so many seasons and moments in life, I am feeling like I blinked and summer passed.
And this wasn't the summer I had planned.
Some surprising moments have been sweeter than I could have imagined, and some halting sorrows have been more paralyzing than I could have dreamed, and I'm fighting to enter this new year with unclenched fists.
Yesterday our pastor, Brad Allison, preached on I Samuel 20, and he mentioned something I had not thought of before...
Then David fled from Naioth in Ramah, and went and said to Jonathan, “What have I done? What is my iniquity, and what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?”
So Jonathan said to him, “By no means! You shall not die! Indeed, my father will do nothing either great or small without first telling me. And why should my father hide this thing from me? It is not so!”
Then David took an oath again, and said, “Your father certainly knows that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said, ‘Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved.’ But truly, as the LORD lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death.”
So Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you."
|David and Jonathan, Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn (1642)|
Without knowing the back story, it can be difficult to interpret this passage. But you see, King Saul of Israel was once again thirsty for David's blood. If he could only have the reassurance of David's death, his throne and the lineage of his family would be secure, regardless whether God had already anointed David as the next king.
Jonathan, David's closest friend also happened to be Saul's son, next in line to the throne...and he feared God.
Jonathan understood the weight of what was happening. He grasped the reality that he had every right to the throne, the glory, the riches...the control. Deep down, he had also most likely had passing thoughts of ways he would do things differently than his father, Saul...ways he would uphold Truth and honor God.
Yet, God passed him over.
We never see Jonathan grasp or doubt. With open hands he surrenders his right to the throne and, as Brad said yesterday, believes Israel and he would be better off with David as king, rather than himself.
And with that understanding, he releases control, surrendering his future, his security and ultimately his life for this shepherd nomad who claimed a right to the throne...Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you.
What about me?
Am I truly believing today that I am better off allowing my security, my family's future, my plans to rest in the hands of the One who is longing to claim kingship in my own life? Or, am I grappling for the small spaces to maintain control, searching for corners to share lordship?
Am I able to lift my head from the posture of my knees and say, Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you, Father?
That's my heart's cry for myself, my family, and my children as we glimpse into a new school year. I want to look with hope and trust to the reality that beauty emerges when we deeply believe our lives were designed to be under the Kingship of the One who created us.
Looking unto Jesus,