Isn't it hard on your OWN kids?

It's the scenario every foster mama recites in her dreams.

Oh... you're a foster parent. Isn't it hard to let them go?

Then right after that...

Isn't it difficult for your own kids?

I'm not going to lie. That was one of our gravest concerns when we sat through the 10 weeks of foster parent training classes and signed our names to the mountains of paperwork.

Many of the spaces where our sons are being changed by our choices and ministry will not surface for years. And that scares me.

This past November one of the children in our home hit a wall, and the result was grief like I have not seen before. 

One evening I held my knees on the bathroom floor and wept for her shadows, but also for the sorrow my sons were witnessing. When I walked out, I studied Caleb, our 11-year-old, and asked him, Do you ever grow angry at this life we have?

My son did not miss a beat. He kissed my head, wrapped his arms around me and said, Mom, this life is what makes me know Jesus. It's sad, and crazy, and funny, and hard, but I love it.

Recently, that same growing boy was asked by his writing teacher to record an experience where he or his family met a need, but that also impacted him.

For weeks I've asked him to see the rough draft, but he refused. Wednesday night he brought it to me and told me he was ready for me to read it.

I asked him if I could share it here in honor of the anniversary of this sweet girl's arrival in our home. Everything is completely through his lens and how he remembers it. {Note: He had to include a certain number of vocabulary words and other requirements, so roll with it :)}

Trust in God

by Caleb Lumpkin

            I was waiting for our first foster child although I knew little about her, and I was growing bored. It wasn’t until later in the morning hours when I peered out the window, and my heart jumped a little. "Screech!" A car halted to a stop, as I gazed outside and observed a black car door mysteriously opening.

            “Mom! She’s here!’’ I screamed through the house.

            Nervously the young Chinese girl, who was as tall as a door, walked down the hallway and into her twin bedroom. As I was insecure with the new addition to our family, my intrepid mother had the most valor in the world. In my house, which is around three stories high with many rooms, there is enough space for me and my two brothers, Benjamin and Daniel, to wrestle. Benjamin, who is a cheetah, is a crazy, excited child, and Daniel is gentle, calm and enjoys the outdoors. People call me Caleb, and I love sports. Walking into her room, I was introduced to her, and my mother told me my new sister’s name was “Mattie.” Interested by her story and manner, I noticed she was as tall as my dad’s shoulder and very thin. She was obviously frightened, but as I would soon find out she was an incredible person.

             After about a month of being part of our family, Mattie, a genteel swan, learned a family with thirteen Chinese daughters desired to adopt her. Discovering this news, she became incredibly scared as they were arriving that afternoon. When they pulled into the driveway, Mattie ran into the closet and locked the door. They rang the doorbell. Shocked that she hiding in the closest closet, Mommy, who was a kind and calm person, walked to encourage her. "Thump." Mommy knocked on the door, which stood over her like the shadows of a dark tree forest.

            “It’s okay, Mattie,” she told her. “We’re here for you.”

            Quietly and nervously she was led to the door and greeted them.

            Together, the family walked Mattie slowly to their car as she continued to look over her shoulder at me. I watched them drive off.  After the weekend was over, they returned, and Mattie, who was a rock now, had been refreshed. Listening to her wonderful story, which bubbled from like she had never done before, our family was humbled. As I was filled with curiosity like a monkey, I was also filled with great joy for my sister in this season. Gratefully, we had almost three more months with Mattie. After the time passed, we had a wonderful adoption celebration for her with her new family. 

                                  

            “Goodbye,” I told her as we hugged tightly.

            Discouraged, I watched my sister Mattie drive away that day, but little did I know she was the first of many to do the same. However, I learned that in doing foster care, you must always trust in God.

         

Every single day, I'm doubt in the quiet caverns of my heart the role our ministry is playing in our sons' lives, but my Friends, I am so grateful foster care has and will continue to impact my own kids.

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Because of Jesus ~