When we went through our GPS classes and when I prepared to let our first Baby M go, through nights of my own wailing in the closet, I never thought my heart could endure this over and over, and yet be so full at this stage in our journey.
Little Sis stayed with us this week, and I caught myself praising God for every moment with her, every stone her momma and I share together, every remembrance of tears and joys.
I delighted in her, in her momma, in our relationship, which honestly is something I seldom allowed myself to do in our two-year journey together. I was so entrapped in the drama and whether I believed God would actually move in the way I thought He should move.
Of course, he didn't move in the ways I thought He should, but the story is more beautiful.
Momma called last night, and Little Sis was crying, saying she missed us too much, and she couldn't go to sleep. I talked with her, and then with Momma.
She expressed doubts of being able to do this, day in and day out ~ the same doubts we all have.
And the she said, I'm not like you.
You were never meant to be me. You were designed for your story, to be her momma in a way I can't be, and I was the one designed to come alongside you in this journey. And He designed our stories to cross at just the moment for His glory to be made known, together. We weren't made to do this alone.
I asked if we needed to take a break from visits because I didn't want to upset Little Sis or her. Her response,
You are her safe place. I could never take that away from her. I love you and her too much.
And as I rocked Little J last night because of his gracious family that gives us weekends with him, I wondered if my heart could be any fuller.
The loose ends aren't mended.
Things are not clean or "beautiful" in any of our cases.
The calls keep coming and the faces keep changing.
But, my Savior loves me enough to invite me into His work.
Who am I, Lord God, and what is my family, that you have brought us this far?
~ I Chronicles 17:16
Because of the One who doesn't need us but invites us in,