If you've been in my life the last few weeks you know my passion child has given me the run of the money. I passed embarrassment several years ago when I realized one of God's most intentional tools of sanctification in my life would be this son, so I might as well give in and jump on for the ride.
But these last two or three weeks have been a doozie. Whether it's loudly moaning in church, "This is so incredibly boring," utterly disappearing in the middle of his basketball game, running away in the department store, reaching to touch the Monet in the art museum because he just wanted to hear the alarm, or again begging loudly for church simply to end because it's just too painful, I'm past the embarrassment. But today, I broke down after church and just wept.
We've been praying for a chance to share our story in church, God's story. Today was the chance. When Jamie walked to the front to share, I had three children visibly crying, one moaning that church is too painful for him, and one repeatedly asking me for crayons, and reminding me I forgot her meds, as she sneakishly giggled. I began thinking church may just not be worth it.
Not worth it?
As Jamie shared how Mattie's life changed ours, I looked at my insane crew. I held my passion child a little tighter, and he screamed. Then I was reminded...
Once there were these parents. After a long adventure, they began to journey home. After three days - THREE DAYS, PEOPLE - they realized their son may really not be around. Can you imagine the possible whispers and pity looks? I'm sure many in the little caravan knew Mary and Joseph's questionable history. And so they they traveled all the way back to their little adventure, only to find their son in the temple, asking them why they were so worried. Dude, do you know what I'd be doing to my passion child at that point?
I've been thinking a lot about this today. I know it's Jesus and it part of His story and calling, but you see, I believe that each of my children (foster and biological) can go and do anything God has designed and called them to do. It's something I fight to daily hold before them. I believe all their faults, their passions, their creativities and abilities, their traumas and stories, will be part of molding them for the way that they alone can advance the kingdom.
So, I won't be embarrassed when we reach for the Monet, or when we pull the fire alarm, or when we moan in church; I'll rebuke and discipline, Lord willing with grace. I remember the moments when He's sought after me, even when I've failed to obey and follow Him. I'll remind my passion child once again that he's gonna rock this world for Jesus, but getting him to that point is making me need my Savior like never before.
Then, I'll take a nap.