What if's?

I've been working at the Empowered to Connect conference, refreshed through the insights of Dr. Karen Purvis.

The teaching has been wonderful, but more than that, it has been so renewing to my soul to spend moments with friends, acquaintances and strangers, who in sincerity know and understand a part of my soul that others may never grasp.

Almost a secret fraternity.

No words need be spoken.

We understand that when one another says, Good, in response to, How are you...

It means, Today, we are alive.

Today, the seams are still in tack.

Today, I'm not going to blubber through the morning.

We knowingly nod that the other is functioning in survival, rather than diving deep.

There are seasons for each.

I've had moments to sit still and remember.

It was exactly five years ago today that we sat in a Lifeline office on Pump House road and felt our hearts jump to say, Yes. Our child is in Uganda.

It was a brand spankin' new program. No one had traveled.

But our hearts resonated.

What if...

This story is not the one that played out in our minds in that moment.

It looks so very different.

I've allowed myself to play the what if game this weekend.

What if that red dirt Ugandan door had not been closed?

What if we had been called to lead one precious child in healing, rather than wading with tens of children and families through their griefs?

What if the stories my tale has held had never called forth these spaces of my Savior from my core?

What if?

Sometimes to own the present and embrace the future that is unfolding, you must remember what never was; acknowledge the whispered dream... in order to release it.

We cannot despair in that place or allow ourselves to become stuck, but we remember what the Father used to ignite our souls in order to celebrate the spaces of our journey He is inviting us to enter.

Every great story of faith begins with a detour.

It's okay to grieve that turn.

That's where I've been this week.

I know from the deepest wells of my soul, I was shaped for what seems to be unfolding in our future, but it is not the reason I originally said yes. So I allow myself to whisper a sober goodbye in order to celebrate the obedience of today, and tomorrow, and the next.

And right when my mind is wrestling in the goodbye, I'm given this in surprise from my precious sisters in faith Suzanne and Lori...

New mercies to say yes to new obedience each new morning.

But I adore the people who said, Yes, to that first dream so long ago.

Because God's mercy in leading us obedience to that first step, is the same mercy that has brought us through the fire time, and time, and time again so that we may look like this...

Nothing is wasted in God's economy.

All is Grace ~

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