For the hearts of my sons.
What about your own kids?
It's muttered under someones breath or to my face at least once every other day.
My skin crawls; although I know 90% of the time, it's asked with good intentions.
But come closer...shhhh...I'll tell you a secret....
It's not about my boys; just like it's not about my fosters; just like it's not about me...
It's about my Savior.
I'm taking time to own some of the haunting quiet places of my soul this week.
It would be so much easier to continue meeting the demands of life, the needs, the wants, and to push my own chasms out of mind...
But increasingly I'm realizing, that unless I own my fear and brokenness, I have no need of being healed, no need of restoration.
The lives of my boys is one of my silent naggings.
We began this journey when they were so very young. Daniel doesn't remember a day without extra sisters and brothers crowding his life and style.
Through my lens, that is beautiful.
In the world's eyes, I'm serving my children an astounding disservice.
And the reality is, if you know my boys, you would know we're not at all together. There's some intense drama, disrespect, and a whole lot of this mess we call sin.
But is ministry about having it together and bringing your perfection as the answer to broken lives...
Or is ministry owning your brokenness, grasping the grace bestowed to you, and allowing this prism of redemption in your life ignite you to see and hope for what others could be with the fullness of Christ within them?
Acting as an agent of restoration.
Deep down, I acknowledge the reality that this journey messes with my boys. We've had to be intentional on so many levels. I quietly watch and wonder if our lifestyle will push them drastically to one end spiritually or another.
As homeschoolers, I'm often asked when we will let our kids taste of the "real" world, and to be honest, I laugh out loud, because my boys have already learned the realities of so many hard subjects in the context of our home. They're aware of social, criminal, relational and spiritual sins than many adults are unwilling to acknowledge, but we've been proactive in the stewardship of their hearts.
Because they are not ours. Their souls have been graced to us for a fleeting moment.
So in the sphere of this broken haven we call home, they've walked the road of hospitality, grief, sacrifice, hardships, flexibility...
They've learned early that God is not about their happiness, but about providing them joy as HIS story unfolds through their obedience for HIS glory.
I get to watch that.
Some parents wait 40 years before they ever are gifted with glimpses of these truths in their children's lives.
No, we still have a long way to go, and it's not the end of their stories by any means, but owning my fear of laying down the hearts of "my" three little Isaacs, demands I glorify His redemptive work taking place in them even now, renewing my faith once again.
Because He is Worthy ~