Flashback Friday: The Day I Realized this Isn't about Me...For Real

It was almost exactly three years ago when we had our first birth family visit. We had been fostering for six months at the time, with no visits. My vision was so limited, and my hands so tightly grasped the Little Bit we loved.

This day rocked my world, and began us on the journey to where we are today...and to the spaces into which we are growing. 

I love that I call this Grandmother sister and friend, and that when she called me to tell me her husband had died, her first words were...Our God is faithful, Catie. I want to be like that when I grow up.

Heavy- Hearted Hope, June 2010 ~

The time has come that really in the back of our mind, we've dreaded for the last five months. We received word this week that we need to begin preparing for Little Sis M's leaving us.

Three years ago, Jamie and I set out to adopt. I wanted a little girl, and I wanted to rescue someone. So, when this little black-eyed baby was our first to foster, there was no doubt in our minds. We've made ourselves very clear to DHR from the beginning that we would love to keep her.

But, you see, this ministry isn't about me, or Jamie, or my boys, or even Little Baby M. This ministry is about His kingdom coming to earth. I was reminded of that today.

We got the phone call on Monday, and we've had a good week of tears, mixed with a VBS in our backyard, a tree struck by lightening, and everything else that goes with raising six kids. We received a request from M's family for a visit. We've been trying and praying for this for a while.

On the way to our meeting at the park, my soul kicked and screamed at God. I called Jamie too many times crying, saying I couldn't do this, and why did we ever obey the Father's leading.

Then, I sat for two hours on a park bench with a woman who told me her story. She told me the story of her children, and the brokenness of her life these last four years. I watched her hold this little girl I've sang to, prayed over, giggled with, and longed to be mine. She slept on her grandmother's chest, so perfectly. And I heard my Father's voice so clearly...

This is about Me.

And so then I took this woman's hand, and shared my story. I told her of my only hope, My Savior Jesus Christ.

Then, we prayed together and wept.

I wanted a little girl, whose hair I could put bows in, and I could parade in front of others. My dreams are so very small.

He's chosen my family to bring hope to the hopeless, to loose the chains of injustice, the bind the brokenhearted, and to bring freedom to the captive.

This isn't about me.

Today, on a park bench, the very glory of God was present. And I was part of it. We'll meet again to pray, talk and hold this sweet girl we both love in a week.

The time is coming soon for us to say goodbye to this daughter we love deeply, but we believe we are part of something that is bringing His kingdom into the lives of families here on earth.

It's not about us.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Catie,

    We said goodbye to our sweet baby C two weeks ago. The words you wrote here are both so good to read but so hard to swallow as my heart aches. I keep praying that He will help me dream bigger and love His glory and the coming of His Kingdom more. Thank you...