My heart is heavy tonight. My pillow wet with tears, and so I escape to my quiet place ...
Sometimes, when I'm longing for my soul to find stillness again, I lay in our driveway and stare at the sky. My neighbors now all know I'm asking God to help me see Him with fresh eyes, and they drive on by.
Tonight, I'm grieving.
This world is shattered by sin. Nothing is left untouched, and my realm, those I love, are broken because it is our nature to trade the Truth for a lie.
And, the consequences are so. very. heavy.
We are bombarded with the message of what life "should" look like. It's a lie.
Tonight, I'm considering the friends who have run the race with me, both near and far.
We began with hopes and dreams, and what our marriages, children, and lives would look like - and it would all be for the glory of God.
But with each day I'm learning more of the way God orchestrates His glory. My vision of it is so neat and tidy. It's safe,
And His glory is not safe. He is not safe.
Many years ago, we left the front porch together. We stood in each other's weddings, celebrated the births of our children, and wept when things hurt.
But there's hard, and then there's sorrow upon sorrow. There's the griefs you can't even utter, and so you wail until there is no more sound, and then you feel the Spirit rise up in petition for you.
Have you been there?
Together, we said we would take up our crosses and follow, but we never knew it would seem the cross would crush.
"Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him." Job 13:15
Around us are the shards, the remnants of those dreams we hoped for, and yet, among the ruins, my definition of what love is, what covenant love is, is being rebuilt.
"But, the greatest of these is Love." I Corinthians 13:13
And in the "dark night of the soul" that seems like it will never end, we grieve because these things are worth grieving.
We were made for more.
And we look to the future with weighted, What if's?, because sorrow upon sorrow seems to have no end, and there seems to be so many more unfought battles ahead.
And then we remember,
The One who is the Truth. The One who is the Life. The One who holds the victory.
Yes, the battles are many, but the war is secure.
So, grieve, my children....grieve, my friends, but grieve with hope,
Because Hope does not disappoint us - Romans 5:5.