One Year.

It's the birthday of their arrival, and the anniversary of a journey for me.

One year ago today the girls moved in. One year ago, we were entrusted with two souls to be the incarnation of Christ to.

It was five minutes before the first lie was told. Ten minutes before the first tantrum thrown, but I made it a full hour before the first doubt of, What have we done? crept into my limited mind.

Little has changed on the girls' surface. The lies abound more than the truths, and I'm told I'm hated because I'm not mother.

But dig a little deeper with me, She's searching. She's beginning to wonder if she really was made for more. She's testing the waters of the One who will always prove faithful.

She's never known that before.

When we arrive at court in July, some monumental things will happen. One being, it will be the longest either child has lived in one consistent place. Ever.

Dig again with me, but this time, in my own soul.

They have seen my worst. I always thought Benj was the one who had, but I underestimated myself. I have slammed, screamed, and manipulated, mostly God, but my family, the girls I was entrusted with, have had a very substantial share.

I begged prayer for my way to be made known to God, what I knew I could handle.

Then some moment along the way, He reminded me of Who this journey is for. Not for me, not for them, but for HIM alone.

Our future, their future, is so uncertain. But the deepest well of peace abides within me. The lies haven't stopped, the tantrums are still at full force, and Satan's whisper are ever so loud.

But the difference...

I know the purpose of my life.

I would have said that before, and honestly meant it.

But now I know...

My life is a slave to the one who owns me, the lover of my soul.

Each morning is a new chance to die, to taste His suffering, to drink of the greater joy, to know a little more of this mystery of the Hope of Glory I am discovering.

Each day is a new chance for them to see my wretched, mucky, self-absorbed sin, so that I may take them to my Amazing Savior, the One who pursues them.

Each night is one more chance to fall on my knees, crying out my need for Jesus as I lament my failures and rejoice in His redemptive victories.

I don't know what our future holds, their future holds, but I know that each moment is purposed by the Author, Perfecter, and Finisher of my faith...

The one to whom I am a slave, the lover of my soul.


  1. Catie, you have the most beautiful way of describing God's love for these precious children. You and Jamie are being used in an incredible way to plant seeds in your girls' lives. And what an awesome influence on your own boys... So grateful to call you a friend!

    1. Sweet Friend, you spur me on as well! You make me love Jesus more!

  2. Love you and love what God has done this past year.

    1. Thank you for fighting with me, and loving with me.

  3. One year ago today! Wow. It is so hard to believe. They were with us for 1 year and 12 days. Really, so much has changed since that first day in May when the two of them arrived in our home. I distinctly remember laying on my bed with Little R, who wasn't quite two. She cried and wailed for her mommy. It broke my heart and all I could do was lay with her. Pray over her. Weep with her. And Big Sis R told us all kinds of wild stories... none of which were true.
    I signed up one of mine for a camp specializing in current and former foster kids and I was so relieved to see that the form asked.... do they lie, cheat, steal, burn, bed wet, have an eating disorder, hoard food... etc etc. It felt good to know that the people who would care for my child wouldn't be surprised by these characteristics!

    Did you read my last post on my blog? We have a lot in common!

    1. I know! I actually have a letter I wrote to you, but haven't sent yet :) I'm loving your blog! It's challenges those of us who are "newbies" to stay faithful in the fight. You are a gift!

    2. I can't believe you have only been foster parents for 13 months or so. You've already had a massive number of experiences and are being constantly pestered by Satan! Yep. You belong.

    3. We have some awesome models who've gone before us :)

  4. Thank you for speaking truth to a weary soul. I told Brian the other day that when we got our little guy he did not bring "stuff" we are experiencing with him. We had/ have so much sin that was under the surface in each of our hearts. Our little guy was used to light the match for us to be exposed. A dear friend of mine told me that raising children is character building for them but sanctifying for us. Being a foster parent is bringing our family to a point where we are more authentic with each other and with our Heavenly Father. It is a good but very raw journey. Knowing our Father does have a very special story written for each one in this household is what spurs us on. We have only gotten our feet wet in this journey. Thank you again for speaking truth.

    1. Alicia! I didn't know you guys had a placement! Let's get lunch. My soul could use it :)