I'm Scared...Part Three

For my marriage...for the One who holds my heart...

We knew few individuals or families who fostered when we began this journey.

Of those we did know, several had walked the devastating pain of divorce, and the stress of foster care had played a critical role in the separations. 

Even in the four years we have juggled this lifestyle, a number of fostering friends' families have ended their ministry after recognizing how intensely their being poured out has strained their marriages.

The context of family and the haven of home is one of the utmost places the transformation of the Gospel is fleshed out by the mercy of Christ as we live out the dance of repentance, grace and faith. 

If this is true, would not the families of God's people be one of the foremost battlegrounds, the focused realm Satan would love to destroy as he whispers his lies of deceit, manipulation and insecurity?

The reality is Satan hates God's work. He despises the beauty of grace being displayed to a watching world through our brokenness. If we are about being the incarnation of Christ, we must expect nothing less than an onslaught of our enemy's rage.

But we know Who holds the victory.

Jamie and I are constantly asked how our marriage bears the weight of our unpredictable and dramatic lifestyle. We are challenged continuously to make time for one another.

We treasure those reminders and humbly study those who have gone before us in this sphere of marriage...

But we also remember that our marriage is not for us.

Jamie's purpose is not to make me happy; just as mine is not to make him happy.

We were never designed to fulfill one another. Grasping for that leaves us yearning at a bottomless cavern.

We were created to spur one another on to being shaped a little more into the image of our Savior...

And we don't look much like our Savior, so the chiseling and hammering leaves scars and bruises, but somewhere along the way, I'll glance into this guy's eyes...

and realize I'm looking past him, and instead, gazing into the image of my Savior.

That is beautiful.

I want to control him. I want to control us. I want to control our relationship and future...but that is such a lie.

So I trade my yearnings for abandonment to the One who knows our today, and then our tomorrow...

And I'm terrified...and in awe...to realize I am not simply discovering my husband, but embracing my amazing Savior.

Looking unto Jesus ~

Note...This week I am simply processing the places God is calling me to lay down my fears and take up renewed hope. In the near future, we'll be fleshing out how these steps of faith in the Father's mercy are practically taking shape!