Awake My Soul on Days Like These

Some days Most days, I find myself muddling through the motions, sorting through the muck and mire.

I so often wake in a trance, almost feeling caged in despair.

Trapped in my sleeping hammock in Mexico ~ but how I feel a lot of days

Sifting through the seven loads of laundry a day and the lunches I've put off until morning, or the whining because her hair isn't like she wanted it, and his screaming would rather die than go to school again...

We all know what it's like. Whether we're a stay-at-home mama, or a big businessman waiting to hit the road for another day of work...

The list seems longer than the minutes, and we begin to miss the moments. 

But dig deeper with me...

I go to this same place with my Savior.

I buy the lies without even realizing it and exchange the glorious Truth for another run on the treadmill, craving to be known, to be loved, to be delighted in...

Missing once again the One who is rejoicing over me in this very moment, who is whispering gently to me in love, who has known me before time.

And I keep running, telling myself that if I hit the right speed and make it past one more hill, I'll attain the dangling carrot of redemption.

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And my inner beast rages with fury when I fail once again...

Sending me to my knees as I'm gently reminded that He looks upon me completely as He sees His Son; that He calls me His beloved; that His banner over me is love.

Oh my heart.

We've had the gift of playing a very small role in a Trussville church plant, Christ Church, as Jamie has served on the provisional session.

Yesterday, between shushing nine kiddos and bargaining with them to be silent, I listened to Jamie sing these works from Caedmon's Call's song "Awake My Soul":

When I stand on the edges of Jordan

The saints and the angels beside

When my body is healed, and the Glory revealed

Still I can boast only Christ

As I wrestled Daniel and pinched Benj to be quiet, tears overwhelmed me because God gave me a precious vision not of all of us standing together in Heaven having fun, but of me running racing, messy and broken, to the foot of my Savior with those dearest to me and with these children and their mamas and daddies to fall at His feet.

We aren't coming there for one another, but for Him, the fullness our Redeemer.

As James Dickson, Christ Church's pastor, began sharing his heart, he only expounded on this explaining that when we envision Heaven as a place where we are waiting on one another, we've missed the Gospel. Instead, together with sheer delight, we will be running to see the One our souls were made for...seeing Him face to face.

It's easy to become loaded down with the mountain of laundry the kiddos are sliding down or the paperwork that's piling up at the office, but these small spaces are simply a means to our ever continuing transformation from glory to glory.

And through the discomfort and our being poured out like a drink offering on the altar, we strive onwards, not because it brings us closer to the dangling carrot, but because our lives become a catalyst for the Glory of the Savior who has loved us fully and completely, and our utter dependence on the Truth invites this broken world into the reality of racing with us daily to the foot of the cross, which will ultimately lead us to behold Him face to face.

That's a life worth living.

Boasting only Christ,