Expecting...

. . . JOY.

Last night my friend Amanda mentioned she was a recovering control addict. Umm, that makes two of us.

The first two years of Jamie and I's marriage were dark...I mean really dark. Often people say they could never imagine someone with a sweet Minnie Mouse voice like me being upset or yelling. You don't have to imagine that. Instead, imagine me leaping from the top of my bed onto Jamie's head because he simply would not give me my way.

I'm so glad he didn't.

But the truth is, we were both demanding our ways from God. Sometimes I dream of how God must have laughed and laughed at our running like hoodlums, trying to make our lives work our way.

Flash forward through three God-surprising new children, a few years of deep sorrow and grief and 13 months with an ever-changing cast of characters in our home, and I've swung to another far extreme.

In one sense it is a blessing. I've learned to roll with the punches, think on my toes, and juggle 888 balls at one moment. Yet, as we've entered this second year of foster care, I realized this weekend that something was different. The deep steadfastness of joy and abiding peace has become "unglued," and we're slightly surviving. My children deserve more than that, Jamie deserves more than that, these kiddos we're caring for and their families, deserve more than that, but mostly, my Savior demands more than that.

I've realized that though my actions and reactions are much the same as they were this time last year, I'm failing to truly walk in trust and faith of my Redeemer for myself, my family, and our children's families.

Three times over the last week, friends have remarked to me to be expectant, or to expect joy. As we all know, joy does not come circumstantially, but it is a steadfastness of HIS presence through the circumstances as we abide in Him.

But the truth is, I can't cling to that joy if I'm not trusting Jesus, my Savior...

And I can't trust Him if I don't know Him...really upside-down, deep-rooted, know Him. As I grow in this knowledge, my trust will deepen, and HIS joy will be a cornerstone in my life.

I go back to a quote from Ann Voskamp that I've mentioned before, "I hadn't known that joy meant dying."

The truth is, it's hard. It's hard to fight for faith and trust when you see a broken cycle of sin viciously entrapping a family through generations. It's hard when you see the helplessness the children of those generations. It's hard when you cry out to God to "rebuild the age-old foundations" and to "restore the ancient ruins" as it says in Isaiah 58, but He replies with stillness.

And, then you remember that God moves in the stillness.

And, you remember that He's promised to restore beauty for ashes.

I'm not sure that even once that beauty has been what I expected or asked for in the parameters and timing I imagined. I do know that almost every time it's been harder, deeper, richer. I do know that it has turned this control, bed-jumping, husband-leaping addict, to someone who wants Jesus more than anything, who longs for her children to know her Savior more than all the comfort or safety in the world. It's turned me into someone who wants to fight the fight of expecting joy.

I've been blown away at all your emails!

March 4th is my birthday!

We still need 9 boxes,

but many of you have called

and sent messages that some are on their way.

This is not about me.

It's about us, as the body of Christ,

showing the world His mercy!

Happy birthday to me!

God's Story Being Told

Happy Weekend!

I love how God is writing His story of redemption through us, and I LOVE how He is using it to encourage others!

Check out my guest post on the Christian Alliance for Orphans blog here!

Don't Waste Time!

Want to know how you can join the adventure of Orphan Care?

The Details:

"The Church has always been God’s plan for building his kingdom, and this includes securing justice for the poor and most vulnerable. Altar84 desires to work intimately with the Body of Christ to care for the least of these, the orphan. On Saturday, March 10th, 2012, Altar84’s kNOw More Orphans Conference will seek to unite the local church community for the call to care for orphans and children in need — right here and around the world."

Early Bird Rate has been extended! Register today for this AWESOME conference! We're counting down the days! Join us for kNOw More Orphans!

And...

9 More Boxes of Diapers
to go in only
13 Days!

Happy Birthday to Me!

All proceeds go to Shelby and Jefferson County DHR!

The Wait of Domestic Adoption

Each aspect of orphan ministry is unique its journey and wait.

I've prayed for friends walking the international path through the months of wait, the balancing act of trials, and the struggles of adjusting as a new family.

I've walked the emotional battle of foster care. The anticipation of placement, the art of letting go, the pursuit of a birth family - are all becoming more my native language with each passing day.

I've cheered for the individuals who have taken the initiative to develop support avenues for those in orphan care. I've witnessed their creativity, benefited from their love, and been in awe of the many ways they have died to themselves in order to come alongside others.

This new dance of walking the wait of domestic adoption has been humbling. I've come to learn it's different for each family. Those without children, wading through the process, hold in their hearts the tender anticipation of all God could - and Lord willing - will fulfill. Ours is slightly different. But I've been amazed at the ups and downs of my emotions, even with the insanity of our home at this time.

Once I announced our entry into the domestic adoption world, I began receiving calls and emails of others who are in "the wait." The different perspectives of how they chose to survive the process. It's been a precious chance to hear of God's transforming power in the journey, not just the baby. Several of you have asked how we are approaching this, so I thought I would share, because this is part of orphan care.

For us the journey is as much about the family of our future child, as it is the child itself. We've come to realize we have so much to learn through these families God has brought into our lives through foster care, we can't dream of passing up a gift God puts before us.

In light of that, we have asked to be known every time our profile has been shown. In honesty, I think I would feel much differently if we did not already have children.

And with mother and father who has seen our profile, we've cried out to God on their behalf. I've written down their due dates, whether they've chosen us or not (obviously you would know if we'd been chosen by now :). We've committed to covering that momma in prayer on those days, and for days after.

We believe God is ordaining even the women and men who see our faces and read our letters, even if they never meet us face to face and even if we never hold their sweet babies. If we have met them on paper, we have been given the precious calling to pray for them through this season.

Perhaps this journey will not end with a child, though I hope it will. Perhaps our family grows again through foster care, and not through a formal domestic adoption. Either way, we have no doubt we were called to walk this process, and if that process was only for the sake of holding up these precious women and men before the throne of God, then that is a high and holy calling.

Remember! You're invited!

15 Boxes Down!!

WOOHOO!!

We're collecting 33 boxes of diapers for my 33rd birthday!

All proceeds go to Jefferson and Shelby County DHR's!

The Way to a Heart

They always say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...my poor man.

But, that's even more true with orphan ministry.

Aside from prayer - hands down - the greatest thing that has held us up is food.

Our ROCK STAR church family has provided meals every time a child has come, every time a child has left, and on every court date - and many days in between.

I can't tell you how many times I've simply not made it to the grocery store for diapers, formula, etc...only to walk to open the front door to a porch full of groceries.

That's an awesome God providing.

It's been a really sweet transition for me. Ministry puts us in a place of need. As we allow ourselves to become messy, and as we grieve with those who are grieving, we realize the needs are more than we can begin to count, and our little walls of capability begin to crumble.

Foster parenting and orphan ministry have put Jamie and I in a place where we are desperately dependent on others, and even more dependent on our SAVING GOD.

I wouldn't have it any other way because my world has exploded as I've had the chance to see God provide for us, as He's working on another's heart to be the one He will provide through.

That's the body working.

Through our church and friends, we've provided meals for social workers, DHR, other foster families, and multiple meals for our birth families.

Food is a one constant need. Many of these children and families have never known what a healthy, balanced meal is. They've only survived. We've had social workers who come to our house at the end of the day and haven't had a bite to eat because of their crazy schedule.

Be the hands and feet of Jesus. Be the way to the heart of God, by filling a stomach. It may sound corny, but I can't tell you how many times one of our mommas has fallen in our arms crying when we've delivered meals from our church family.

Speaking of provision....

Week one of Catie's Birthday Diaper Party!!

10 Boxes Collected!

23 to go by March 4th!

Jump on in, you're invited!

Now we're off to our awesome Lifeline Foster Family Retreat!

Happy Weekend!

The Greatest Role

"Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their distress,

and refuse to let the world corrupt us."

James 1:27

We're on a journey of prayer. For 40 days, we're crying out to the Father of the fatherless to meet us in our ministry and our longings, to make our dreams HIS, and to enable us to be HIS hands and feet.

We're so unworthy.

I promised to profile and provide various resources these next few weeks of how you can serve and follow the commandment to care for the fatherless, even if God hasn't called you to specifically adopt or foster.

When we were preparing to say goodbye to Baby M, my heart was breaking for this precious girl we had cared for as our own. I felt hopeless; that simply our letting her go was a betrayal of all we could offer her. As I shared this with one of our dear friends and pastors, I sadly, actually said, "I guess I'll always pray for her."

He looked at me and said, "Wow, Catie, don't you think you're underestimating the power of prayer."

It took my to knees.

It's so easy to "Christianese" prayer in our circles. But truly, the most precious role you can play in the lives of the fatherless, is that of prayer.

The vast majority of the children and their families have had no one deeply intercede for them and believe for what the fullness of Christ could be in them.

Adopt a country in prayer, adopt an orphan in prayer, adopt a foster child and his or her family in prayer, adopt foster parents in prayer, or adopt a family going through this process.

Labor for them on your knees.

From experience, I can tell you it's the greatest gift you can give.

Ask the Father for scriptures to pray for those laid on your heart. Send them those scriptures. It's the words of their Savior holding up their arms.

About three weeks ago, my phone rang, and it was sweet Baby M's family. She was very sick and was rushed to the hospital. Their words, "You were the only ones we knew who would fight for us in prayer."

Prayer is the greatest role. And often, as we commit to crying out from our knees, our hands and feet can't help but long to become dirty in the mess of ministry as well.

Don't forget MY AWESOME 33rd DIAPER BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Two boxes have already been donated on our first day, and 31 to go!

Another great idea sent to me by friend Kristin:

Feel free to order from Amazon, and have the boxes sent directly to me!

YOU'RE INVITED!

Jamie and I are embarking on 40 days of prayer for the movement of orphan ministry around the world, in Alabama, and especially in our home. This prayer journey is a preparation for our kNOw More Orphans conference on March 8th at Hunter Street Baptist, hosted by the awesome ministry Altar 84.

One of the primary comments we often hear is, "We could never do what you guys are doing, but I wish I could do something." The truth is YOU CAN!

As I've said many times here, we are not all called necessarily to foster and adopt, though Jamie and I do feel many more are called than actually do. However, we are ALL commanded to CARE for the fatherless.

Over the next 40 days I'll be presenting many ideas of ways you can make a difference in the lives of the fatherless. The opportunities are endless, because the needs are currently endless. It is the call of the church to meet these needs.

When we began this journey, we thought it was about providing a child a safe home, and it is. But, it's also about coming alongside birthmothers and birthfathers, it's about encouraging social workers and lawyers, it's about holding up the arms of foster parents, providing respite for hurting adoptive parents, and the list goes on.

So be excited! Open yourself to where the Lord may be prompting!

And here is your first chance...

YOU'RE INVITED!

to a

DIAPER PARTY!

On March 4th I will be turning 33!

All I'm asking for this year is diapers!

These diapers, pull ups, and good nights will all go to Jefferson and Shelby County Department of Human Resources,

as there is a desperate need.

We're doing this diaper drive on behalf of a ministry we serve with, The Forgotten Initiative.

Our goal is 33 BOXES

(because I'm turning 33:)

If you follow us from a distance, feel free to contact me, and I'll do the shopping for you!

Make a difference on behalf of the fatherless!

It's my party, and you're invited!